Wednesday, June 17, 2009

More Advertising

After like 4 years, I have finally created a new blog. Anyone who checks this site, check it out:

The Contrabulous Fabtraption of Professor Tyler J

I think anyone who would ever read this blog will get that joke.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Pump that Gas

I wrote this about two years ago when gas was around $2.70. I never imagined we would hit the $4.00 mark. Currently, gas is $3.71 where I live.

Better things to waste your money on when gas hits $4 a gallon.

10. Netflix. You aren't going to the movies, might as well pay around $15 a month for unlimited DVDs. They ship them through the mail, so you don't have to drive anywhere.

9. HSN. Home Shopping Network will be your savior. Everything you need is only a phone call away.

8. A Horse. You can ride in style and still have horse power. But you might want to pay someone to pick up all the horse shit.

7. The girl from Small Wonder. If I had one of her, well let's just say I would never have to leave the house. I'm pretty sure she is battery operated.

6. Battery operated golf cart. Plug it in at night and you can drive anywhere you want.... at 15 mph.

5. Ski mask and black water pistol. This way you can rob a few banks and get away in your horse or golf cart. Don't expect the cops to chase you, they'll run out of gas.

4. Golf Clubs. To put in the back of your golf cart so you can have something to beat the shit out of people with. Maybe just a 9-iron and a sand wedge.

3. Lots and lots of liquor. You have to get real smashed to get the same effect of drinking and driving when you just walk around.

2. Video phone. This way you can still communicate and see all your friends without having to drive anywhere.

1. The Delorean from Back to the Future. It drives on trash....enough said!

Friday, April 25, 2008

Most Anticipated Movies for 2008 Summer

Well, at least for me.

((To lazy to search for photos))

The Dark Knight

Let's be honest here... the best Batman was by far Michael Keaton. He was the original and was part of the Batman saga before it become "too comericalized". My hat goes of to Tim Burton who helped portray Batman and Gotham at it's best. However, Christian Bale is giving ol' Keaton a run for his money. Batman Begins was just shy of spectacular. Get rid of some poor acting, cough, cough, Katie Holmes, cough, cough and you have yourself a great film.

The Dark Knight should keep right on par with Batman Begins. Still some questionable casting with Maggie Gyllenhaal talking over for Katie Holmes. Whatever happened to getting the likes of Kim Basinger and Michelle Pfeiffer? At least they were nice to look at.

Bringing in Aaron Eckhart, Heath Ledger (R.I.P) and bringing back Gary Oldman, Morgan Freeman, and Cillian Murphy the movie should be very well acted. On top of that Christhoper Nolan is the man when it comes to directing.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Who doesn't wish they were Indiana Jones? The man is legendary. This is another movie were those involved spit out success; Spielberg, Lucas, Harrison Ford, and Cate Blanchett. I am anxious to see how the story plays out. The past films were set amongst the Nazis era which gave everyone a reason to hate the villain. I would be upset if they move away from that to a type of "gangster" or "mad scientist" villain. I do believe the reason many "hero" type movies fail is because the pick an "iffy" villain. These movies are all about villains.

If you haven't checked out the trailer for the movie you should do so asap.

Iron Man
I would have never guessed that Iron Man would have been made after "Spawn", "The Punisher", Ghost Rider", "Daredevil", "Elektra", really the list can go on and on. Iron Man is a classic comic book hero, much like Spiderman, The Hulk, Green Lantern (they need to make that movie), and "The Fantastic Four". What I am most surprised at is the choice of lead character, Robert Downey Jr. Now Jr. is a good actor who has just had trouble with, well, everything. The suit looks awesome, the dialogue seems upbeat, and the graphics seem believable. This one comes out soon so be ready.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

The Weekly Gazette

Shaq Traded To Suns- Shaq was traded to the Phoenix Suns for Shawn Marion and a no-name. But what ESPN didn't report was that it wasn't a trade between the basketball teams, but in fact, Shaq was transferred from the Miami Police Department to the Phoenix 5-O.

Bob Knight Resigns- The winningest (not a word, but ESPN used it) coach in NCAA basketball history has resigned as the Texas Tech Basketball Coach. There real reason behind the move is that Bob Knight plans on joining the presidential race as an independent. If someone has a problem with that he might throw a chair at you. Prepare yourself terrorist.

Super Tuesday- Speaking of presidential races, we had Super Tuesday this week. Apparently some counties in Texas didn't listen to the news when they stated who actually votes on Super Tuesday. People were flooding the polling places ready to vote. Thing is Texas does not vote on Super Tuesday.

Celebrity Rehab- We all know that Lindsay Lohan and Brit Brit love to go in and out of rehab. Some more A-listers have been checking in and out, Eve Mendes and Kirsten Dunst. Cool it's become the "hip" thing to do. Well, some major D-listers have now checked in. Pat O'Brien entered rehab thinking it would help him pick up some good story lines. Oh wait, he really does have a problem, let's not forget the infamous phone tapes. Delta Burke entered rehab, what? Who cares.

Tyra Poops Her Pants- That's all, she pooped her pants.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Death's on Vacation

We have all been busy, lazy, forgetful, whatever you want to call it. However, I refuse to let myself stop blogging all together. It is a fun hobby and when everybody is on their game it can get insanely entertaining. I think we all have to find a theme to help us stay on top of things and be able to updated this blog more often.

For the time being I will do weekly updates of the top new stories of the week. How do I choose the top news stories? By what I hear on Sportscenter and read on the gossip websites, that's how. It doesn't stop there though, I will correct all the poor reporting on those news stories.

Heath Ledger is dead? The guy was 28, one year too many to blame his death on the 27 curse. You know, the one that took Jimmi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, etc. Everyone and their mother have given their opinions about what a great actor he was. But earlier today we found out that Heath Ledger is not dead, but the person found was his Stunt Double. Sorry for the confusion.

Gaza Wall Bombed- Palestinians bombed the wall separating Gaza with Egypt allowing them to food. Israel cut off supplies into Gaza with hopes to weed out Hamas. However, it was Israel that bombed the wall in an effort to get all Hamas and Palestinians out of Gaza. Israel will now pull an all-nighter to fix the wall, thus, getting the Gaza strip back without forcing people out. Who said peaceful solutions were dead. Good Luck Egypt.

Johana Santana Trade Rumors- It seems that there are only 3 teams in the running- Yanks, Red Sox, and Mets. It has been reported that the Mets are the front runner. But in a stunning move the Twins traded Santana to the Tokyo Giants for fresh sushi for the next decade. Yummy!

Lil' Wayne Busted for Drugs- Who would have ever guessed a famous rapper is carrying drugs on his bus. Lil' Wayne was arrested on charges of possession. But a second test showed that the items were not drugs, but actually cooking ingredients. Apparently Lil' Wayne cancelled his Rap tour and now works for the Food Network. His new show is called "Lil' Foods" and is about cooking appetizers.

Marine Seen- Marine Cesar Laurean who is the leading suspect in the death of a pregnant Marine, Maria Lauterbach, was seen in a Mexico liquor store. The FBI has stated this evening that judging by the photos, Lauren has gained a considerable amount of weight probably from eating a lot of burritos and chimichangas. Therefore the FBI has left a trail of Taco Bell that ends at the steps of the FBI building in Washington, D.C.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

New Era?

There have been rumors floating around that Jocketty and LaRussa are on the way out. I personally don't want to see either go, but if they do, Jocketty will be tougher to replace. Word is that Oquendo could step in as manager and if not him, several other former players or coaches could apply (just don't suggest Joe Torre, please!). I mean I can predict the move LaRussa will make about 95% of the time, so I'm sure Oquendo, or Tony Pena, or whoever could do the same.

The loss of Jocketty, on the other hand, could be damaging. Promoting an ownership yesman from within would suck. And ownership would be unlikely to shell out the cash to woo a quality GM. And even if they were willing, who is going to be out there. Brian Cashman would be a comical match with the notorious tight wallets. And if anyone utters "Steve Phillips", you will be banned from this blog.

Here's a sleeper pick for the next GM: Ozzie Smith. Before you accuse me of being a woman, think about it. Smith is one of the most knowledgable players in recent Cards history, but has stayed away from the team in the current era. Nobody is going to be Jocketty as well as Jocketty, so why not go with someone altogether different?

With that said, the best case scenario is WJ stays and convinces ownership to spend just a little more.

Friday, June 1, 2007


This, I might add, was AFTER Carlos Zambrano gave up 6 earned runs in 5 innings.

Oh, and it turns out LeBron James is pretty good. We are all witnesses, but I had actually gone to bed by the end of the third quarter.